


Touch and Release

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, musical actors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-24 12:02:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17100230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: His lips and hips worked magic, wiping away his stress with sweet release, if only for a few seconds.





	Touch and Release

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on June 20, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: What is this even? I’m not really sure. This piece was kinda spur of the moment, inspired by the 4 Things Show where the members were saying that sometimes N’s affection was too much. I kinda wrote this with the idea of “Lots of poorly written sex and Leo who finds N’s persistence annoying” and this happened. I wasn’t really sure how to end this so I just… did something extreme. Anyway~ I hope you guys enjoy this.

Release. Sweet, sweet release. For the briefest of moments his mind was blank, everything was good, all his worries and stress were non-existent. He tugged the head between his legs away, N swallowing as he followed the hand’s pull. His knees buckled when N grabbed his cock and pumped him, touch just firm enough to make him want to melt into a puddle at the sensory overload.

“We’re not through yet, Leo,” the tan man hummed, releasing him and standing up. Before Leo could protest, the man had wrapped his arms around his neck and lifted up on tiptoes to lock their lips together. The salty taste of cum mixed with whatever minty candy N had consumed earlier filled Leo’s mouth, and he was lost in the sensation.

The thought that this situation was entirely fucked up flickered across his mind, that he shouldn’t be fucking around with N, with the man that fate had forced him to deal with almost daily for the last couple of years. But that thought flew out the window when N pulled back and slid behind him. Strong hands guided his resisting body to N’s bedroom wall, running down Leo’s sides when he was properly braced. Spit slicked fingers breached him and Leo was lost to sensation again, the stretch feeling so good, N’s fingers careful but skillful.

“Please,” barely made it past Leo’s lips, breathy and almost inaudible, when the fingers left him and N pressed in. A steadying hand on his hip, a rough grip on Leo’s cock pulling him back to life, tender lips on his shoulder. Leo pressed back, spreading his legs slightly, biting his lips. N pulled back before he could bottom out, keeping his thrusts teasingly shallow. It wasn’t until a second, more needy “ _Please_ ,” spilled from Leo’s lips that N pressed in all the way. From there it was all hitched breaths, stifled whines and quiet groans drowned out by N’s more bold moans.

It didn’t take Leo long to reach that beautifully blank state of release that he craved so much, spilling all over the wall and N’s hand. N abandoned him moments later, pulling out and cumming on Leo’s back. Heavy breathing filled the air as both came down, N soon snaking his arms around Leo’s waist and resting his head on Leo’s strong, broad back. Leo fidgeted, biting his lip as he looked down at the tan arms that contrasted so starkly with his milky skin. This was what he liked least, this tender, needless touch after sex. He wanted to escape and melt under the shower, to pull himself together. All this extra touching N insisted on made him uncomfortable.

He gave N a precious few minutes as he waited for the strength to return to his legs, carefully pulling N’s hands away from his waist when we was sure he could walk again. N didn’t resist, stepping back obediently. He caught Leo’s cheek as he turned around, fingers barely ghosting the skin before retracting.

“Feeling better?” N asked. Leo blinked then nodded awkwardly, slipping away from N and making a beeline for the bathroom.

-.-.-.-

Leo tried to catch his breath, tried to grasp what was and wasn’t dream. This wasn’t a dream, he decided, fingers curling into the sheets as N pulled away. Leo barely caught N wiping the spit from his chin off. The grin on N’s lips let him know that it hadn’t been a dream when he’d asked N to suck him off. His mind was still sleep fogged, the haze of orgasm clouding his thoughts even more.

“Good morning,” N greeted gently, hand sliding over Leo’s lower stomach. N was probably hard and needy, but Leo couldn’t be bothered to care. The day ahead was going to be long and his sleep was too short. Leo grunted a return greeting, shifting in the bed. Pulling his hand back, N stood, grabbing his sweat pants and t-shirt from the ground beside the bed. “I’ll get breakfast ready in a few minutes,” N murmured before heading off to the bathroom. Leo’s gaze fell on N’s erection, lingering there until N turned around. He figured N was off to take care of himself before he could seriously get started for the day.

By the time Leo’d dragged himself out of bed, gotten dressed and made it to the kitchen, N had pulled out the leftovers from last night’s dinner. Leo grabbed his portion and ate it cold, not waiting for N to heat it up. He wanted to get out of there fast, memories of how touchy N got the last time he’d stayed longer than necessary the morning after urging him to get out. Said man sat down across from him, food steaming as he started shoveling it in his mouth.

“Today’s the first dressed rehearsal,” N said between bites. “Opening night’s soon. I’m starting to get nervous,” he confessed, eyes dropping to the table. Leo was too, but admitting it would probably reward him with another trip to bed and he just didn’t have time. Leo’d been cast as the male lead in a musical and N as one of the bigger supporting roles. The pressure and stress on Leo was high—it was his first lead part and he was still studying acting and music at a graduate level. He gave N a nod, shoveling the last of his food into his mouth and standing up to put his dish in the sink.

“I have classes,” he explained curtly, heading towards the door. There was just enough time to get back to his place and change before going to his university.

“Remember to bring my ring to rehearsal,” N reminded, voice stern.

“I will,” Leo agreed quickly, shoving his shoes on and leaving.

-.-.-.-

He was aware of every touch, mentally flinching with every casual touch to his arm, brush against the small of his back, tight hug. When the female lead of the musical finally left to get dressed, N’s hand slid across his back, making Leo want to flinch away. He stayed put, if only to prevent a scene.

“So, did you bring it?” N asked.

“Yeah. Don’t forget it next time,” Leo murmured, pulling out the silver ring N had forgotten at his apartment the previous weekend. They’d been sleeping together for almost ten weeks, but had known each other for almost two years as part of the same acting troupe, and from that moment N had been everywhere in his life.

At first he’d had an intense dislike for the boisterous man, but N had been one of the few to try to get to know Leo despite his icy exterior. He never thought he’d end up screwing a colleague, but the way N’s lips had brought him to release at the party after the roles for the musical had been finalized left him unable to say no the next time. They’d both been tipsy that first time, but the morning after Leo’d accepted purely to attain that wonderful feeling of release from stress.

“I won’t,” N hummed, the corners of his eyes crinkling in joy as he plucked the ring from Leo’s hand and slid it on his left ring finger. “Does that mean you’re inviting me over to your place tonight?” he asked with a sly smile.

“What?” Leo asked, caught off guard by the question.

“You said next time. Does that mean you’re inviting me over?” Leo looked away, suddenly nervous.

“We’ll see how we feel after practice,” Leo dodged the question. N nodded, patting Leo on the shoulder before heading off to get dressed.

-.-.-.-

They never made it out of the building after practice. N had pulled Leo into a secluded space after they’d changed back into their street clothes, mumbling something about how he couldn’t wait. Leo thought he was going to lose his mind there on the floor in that dark corner of the back, stage still half clothed. N’s ass was so tight and the way their hips met with each thrust made the feeling of impending insanity worse. The lewd noises that spilled from N’s lips only made his need for release worse, so he thrust harder.

With one last buck of his hips, Leo reached his release, cumming first, buried deep inside. The stress of everything melted away, those few seconds of empty thought pure perfection. He paused, waiting to come back to full reality and watching N desperately jerk himself to completion. N came all over their stomachs just as Leo was about to pull out, drawing a hiss from Leo’s lips at the sudden tightness. Panting, he pulled Leo down into an unwanted hug as Leo slid out, lips finding his jaw easily.

“I love you,” N murmured into Leo’s jaw line, so quiet that Leo wasn’t sure if he’d heard correctly. Leo stiffened, coming to the conclusion that he hadn’t heard wrong. He gently pried N off, looking off the side.

“We should go home. It’s late and tomorrow’s going to be even longer,” Leo excused, dismissing N’s confession completely. N searched Leo’s face for a few seconds before reaching out and running his fingers down Leo’s chest.

“You’re right. It’s gonna be an especially long day for you, Mr. Lead Man,” N teased. Leo returned his attention to N, catching his smile. But it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You should go on,” N urged, standing up stiffly. It suddenly occurred to Leo that fucking on the floor like that was less than comfortable. “I need to clean up.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

N’s touches lingered too long, his hugs lasted more than they should, his limbs were more invasive of Leo’s personal space than they should have been in public. The final days leading up to the musical had been filled with so much public clinging that Leo thought he’d go crazy. He’d gently pushed N away a few times when there were a few too many people watching, but tried desperately not to create a scene. N was, after all, almost as touchy with many of the others in the company. Creating a scene would raise tensions unnecessarily so close to the opening.

Their nights after practice had been filled with eating out and N’s tentacle arms anchoring Leo firmly at his side in bed. He was always the one to snap first when N pulled him close and hugged him for hours, hands wandering under N’s clothes to push them off and coax N into sex, into fucking him into the bed, into rolling over and being taken. Leo craved those touches that lead him to release, craved that release like a drug. And a drug it was—the fix he needed to not fall apart on stage, to cope with the pressure of this first leading role.

But he didn’t care for the way that N clung to him afterwards, the way he initiated lazy kisses, or the way he laid on his chest drawing patterns with his fingers and talking about endless amounts of things. Sometimes Leo complied, listened to N’s ramblings, but he often drifted off, sleeping before N even realized.

-.-.-.-.-

Strong fingers worked his shoulders, finding all the knots and working them out forcefully. It hurt but felt good, his muscles melting under N’s skilled touch. He leaned back, humming in pleasure. N laughed as Leo’s head connected with his chest, working Leo’s shoulders for a few moments before sliding his hands down to hug him from behind.

“You’ll kill them tonight. Everyone’ll be so blown away by your performance that they’ll do nothing but rave about you in the papers,” N encouraged. Leo grunted, lolling his head to the side and reaching up to squeeze N’s arm.

“You too. You’ll blow them all away,” Leo returned the encouragement. His heart was racing and his mind was running wild. Pulling N to the bathroom for a quickie sounded like the best thing in the world, that thoughtless state of release the only thing he wanted at the moment, but they were already in costume and N was waiting to get his make-up done—and it just wasn’t practical to have sex right before going on stage. So he turned his mind else where, trying to remember the things he _used_ to do to calm down.

“They’re here to see _you_ ,” N retorted, amusement tingeing his tone. “Maybe I’ll catch some director’s attention, but really no one’s here for the characters like mine.”

“Your character is important, and you _do_ have fans,” Leo insisted.

“I didn’t say I didn’t have _fans_ ,” N laughed. It was cut short by a make-up artist calling him over. “We’ve got this. Fighting!” He patted Leo’s chest and slid away. Slumping down with a sigh, Leo tried to keep his nerves down. Not seeing anything else to ease his anxiety, he started running through his lines, getting swept up in the visualization of the stage. It wasn’t until a firm hand landed on his shoulder, and a deep voice spoke, that he was drawn back into reality.

“Nervous?” Leo opened his eyes to look at Ravi, one of the chorus members and his junior at his university.

“A little,” Leo admitted, shifting awkwardly. Ravi sank down beside him, goofy smile on his face.

“It’s pretty obvious,” Ravi teased, undertones of laughter in his voice. He became more serious, reaching out and squeezing Leo’s thigh. “It’s your big break. You’ve been doing great so far, so I know you can do it.”

“I’ll try my best. You’ll definitely do good as well,” Leo returned the comfort.

“You know, it’s really obvious that N’s on edge too by the way he’s flitting around from person to person. This is his first role in a musical with so much singing,” Ravi changed the subject.

“He’ll do fine. His performances up to now have been stellar,” Leo complimented, the high praise something he’d never give N to his face for fear of the clingy backlash he’d get.

“Oh, I agree,” Ravi said, falling silent for a moment as he licked his lip. “What’s your relationship with N?” Leo looked at Ravi with wide eyes, caught off guard by the question. He’d honestly not thought about it much.

“Relationship?”

“Yeah, you know, you’ve been hanging out with him a lot lately. I always got the feeling you didn’t care for him much until recently,” Ravi explained, gesturing with his hands. Leo looked away, raking his thoughts together for several moments. Ravi waited patiently for him to reach his answer.

“Friends?” Leo finally said, feeling like the word wasn’t right but the closest thing he could find. “But he’s annoying. Too clingy. It’s tiring and I wish he didn’t touch me so much.”

“Aah, I can see that. But maybe the musical is stressing him out more than usual?” Ravi sympathized.

“It’s always been tiring,” Leo complained, shaking his head.

“Leo, do you know if N’s seeing anyone?” His voice had become quieter. Leo looked back to Ravi, completely baffled by the question. Ravi picked up on his confusion and he raised his arms in front of him self in defense. “My little sister! She’s obsessed with him lately and wouldn’t leave me alone. So do you know?” He got the feeling Ravi was lying, but he answered anyway.

“Not that I know of.” He didn’t know if he could count what they’d been doing as _seeing each other_. To him it was stress relief, and if Ravi’s words were anything to go on, N felt similarly. Maybe it had morphed into something a bit more for N, remembering the encounter a few nights ago.  But they’d never talked about that, so he took it as a way to reach release, to clear the stress away if only for a moment.

“So he’s single?”

“Most likely.” Ravi relaxed slightly, looking forward and licking his lips.

“My sister’s going to be happy, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing,” Ravi murmured. Suddenly there was a strong grip on his shoulder, making both Leo and Ravi jump. The hand squeezed tighter, causing Leo to remain somewhat stiffly straight.

“What’s she going to be happy about?” N asked, tone sounding as if he’d overheard it all.

“Ah—that Leo’s gonna autograph the program for her,” Ravi excused, lying through his teeth. N didn’t seem to believe him, eyes narrowing slightly as his hand left Ravi’s shoulder and came to the back of Ravi’s neck.

“Oh really now? I could’ve sworn my gossip senses were tingling. Could’ve sworn someone was talking about _me_ ,” N said blandly, grip tightening on both of them. He’d always had the strange ability to sense whenever people were talking about him and it was disconcerting. Just how much had he heard? “Must have been someone else.” N released Leo and hugged Ravi from behind with a vice grip, Ravi struggling to get away only making N grip him tighter. “You’ll do great, Ravi. We all will. Fighting!” Ravi finally settled down, contenting himself with grabbing N’s forearms.

“Yeah, Fighting!” Ravi returned the encouragement. N smiled, lingering several seconds more before pulling back. Clingy and loud. He was like that to everyone, so Leo felt like he couldn’t put much weight on the things they did with each other. It left a strange feeling in his stomach.

-.-.-.-

The after party for the opening night had been a little more wild than anyone intended it to be. Leo and N had left before it was over, drunker than they had business being with a performance the next night. Neither were particularly strong at drinking, but Leo had realized that N was especially weak and even _more_ touchy-feely when drunk. He’d tentacled his arms around anyone that had come within arm reach happily, and purposely sought out Leo to annoying degrees. Every time N latched on to him, Leo downed a shot and pushed the annoyance off, to which N would down another shot and latch on to someone else.

Thus they had left early, quite hammered, and headed to Leo’s place since it was closer. Leo couldn’t remember what happened after they got back, but his head was splitting and N wasn’t clinging to him when he woke up. Somewhat confused by the missing annoyance, he felt around the bed blindly. He was alone, and while that made him curious to find out where N was, his head hurt too much to bother moving. So he continued to lay there, his most pressing worry being whether he could properly perform later. He shouldn’t have stayed as long as he did, should have dumped N off on someone else for the night.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d stayed unmoving in bed, but when he finally dared to get up his clocked glared 3:37 PM at him.  He groaned, wiping his hands down his face, head throbbing with the slightest movements. He realized his pants and underwear were gone, but his tank still clung to his chest, stained with something he didn’t really want to try to identify at the moment. With an exasperated sigh, he propelled himself out of bed—a big mistake as the room went spinning and he almost fell on his ass, feeling like knives were stabbing into his brain all the while.

Closing his eyes, he waited for everything to pass before slowly making his way to the bathroom. That’s where he found N, curled naked on the floor in front of the toilet. Leo wrinkled his nose and looked in the mirror, realizing it was vomit on his shirt and promptly peeling it off and tossing to the floor. With a sigh, he stepped over N and turned on the shower. He nudged N with his foot as he waited for the water to warm, not daring to crouch down lest the room start spinning all over again. N groaned, stirring slightly.

“Oh god, my head,” N whined as he curled into himself more, voice husky and raw. Well, that didn’t bode well for him. Leo hadn’t tried speaking, and he hoped when he did he’d sound better than N. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the potential damage.

“It’s almost 4,” Leo informed N, wincing slightly at the raspyness—but at least it wasn’t as bad as N’s. The water had warmed so he stepped in the shower, the hot spray feeling wonderful.

“Fuuuck,” N whined, audible over the spray. Leo ignored him, reaching for the shampoo. N slid in next to him just as Leo’d leaned his head back to rinse. Leo tensed, vaguely fearing that N would start something. That was put to rest when N reached around him and grabbed the shampoo, lathering up quickly and rinsing. “I feel like shit,” he murmured moving out from under the shower spray. Body soap came next and he snatched the bottle from Leo’s hands as soon as he was done, then went back for a second scrub down after rinsing off.

Leo left him in the shower, the steam starting to get to his head. Barely bothering with a towel, he made his way back to his room and pulled on some sweats. Toeing N’s clothes out of his path, he went to the kitchen and heated water for tea, not daring to drink anything else but hot tea and water for the rest of the day. N wandered out of the bathroom, dry except for his hair.

“Can I borrow some clothes?” N asked, stepping into the kitchen. Leo nodded and N wandered away. When he came back, Leo had set the tea to steep and moved to the small table in his kitchen. He watched N sink down at the other chair, the man immediately cradling his head in his hands. “I can’t remember a thing after the director gagged Ken,” N mumbled, gently rubbing his temples. “When did we get in?”

“I don’t know,” Leo answered, pulling the tea bag from his mug. “Some time after one, I think, but the last thing I remember was throwing you through my door.” He brought the mug to his lips, reveling in the feel of the hot liquid as it went down. _Just_ what his throat needed.

“That explains why my back hurts,” N frowned, pulling the tea bag from the mug Leo had fixed for N. “Did we fuck?”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Leo said blandly before taking another long sip.

“Then we didn’t,” N sighed, taking a sip of his tea. “God, that feels good,” he moaned, taking another sip. “We’ll have to get ready to go soon. I doubt we’re the only ones suffering after last night, but—“

“Save your voice, you sound like shit,” Leo interrupted before N could start carrying on and on. N snapped his mouth shut, expression a little taken aback. Leo shifted in his seat, crossing his legs under the table and lifting his mug back to his lips. N’s eyes dropped to the table, lingering there for a moment before he downed the rest of his tea in a few gulps.

“I should stop by my place before going in,” N mumbled, voice smaller than Leo could ever remember hearing it before. “Change clothes and get stuff for my throat,” he continued as he stood. “See you at the theater.” Leo hummed, watching N as he dumped his cup in the sink and headed for the door.

-.-.-.-

“Leo!” N cooed when he noticed Leo’d walked in. Leo swallowed, preparing for the worst. N bounded to meet him, holding up a bag. “Your throat was kinda scratchy earlier so I thought you might want some lozenges too. I’ve got some hot water for tea too.” N held up the bag and Leo tugged it open to peek inside. Cherry lozenges; the things tasted like shit but he reached in for one regardless.

“Thanks,” Leo mumbled, popping it in his mouth. “Your voice sounds a lot better,” he noted, starting to walk further inside. N grinned, looking down at the ground in front of them as they walked.

“It’s not quite fully back, but it’ll get through the performance tonight,” N said. Leo hummed in understanding. “But _you_ , Mr. Lead Man. You should hear what everyone’s saying. Social media’s been buzzing about last night’s show. Critics received you _well_.” N slung his arm around Leo’s shoulders, gripping him and pulling him in tighter as he tried to shrug away from it. His heart rate had picked up at the news and he suddenly found himself incredibly nervous. His voice also wasn’t at 100 percent. What if he couldn’t maintain the same level of performance tonight?

“Nervous about your voice?” N asked, leaning in close to Leo’s ear. Leo bit his lip, gaze flitting off to the side. N had always been good at reading other’s emotions, even Leo’s once he’d learned his nuances. Leo spotted one of the halls that lead to extra storage closets and ducked down it, mind suddenly filled with bad ideas.

“Whoa, whoa!” N protested, getting dragged along. Leo tossed open one of the doors and flung N into one of the storage rooms, following and closing the door behind him. “Yah! Just what are you up to?” He was frustrated, it dripped from his voice.

“I’m nervous, so help me relax,” Leo said, reaching for the light switch by the door and flipping it on. The expression on N’s face confirmed Leo’s suspicions.

“You can’t be serious.”

“You made me nervous, you have to help,” Leo tried to persuade. His stomach knotted, feeling so uncomfortable begging for it—for the release N provided.

“Almost everybody’s here and we have to get dressed soon,” N protested.

“It won’t take long.” Heat rose up in Leo’s cheeks. He doubted he’d last long between N’s lips, and the admission was embarrassing.

“What if someone comes?”

“No one will come. All the props are out already.” N sighed, stepping closer and grabbing Leo’s belt buckle.

“The shit I do for you,” N grumbled. “You’re returning the favor.” His voice was stern, annoyed. “And I get to be on top tonight.”

“Fair enough,” Leo agreed, swallowing as he watched N sink down to his knees and pull his cock out of his now unfastened pants. He was already hard in N’s hand.

“If we get caught, I’m not making up excuses and I’m telling them how it is,” N warned before placing a kiss on the tip. Leo swallowed, wondering just _what_ it was that he’d tell any intruders. That they were sex friends or—

The thought left his mind as N took him in his mouth. N had been sucking on a lozenge. He could feel it on the underside of his cock, and he didn’t know quite how he felt about the sensation but he _knew_ he wouldn’t be lasting long.

-.-.-.-

N never seemed to like cumming inside, always pulling out whenever they didn’t have condoms and sometimes even when they did. Tonight was one such night, Leo whimpering as N pulled out and removed the condom. A few swift pumps later and he was spilling onto Leo’s stomach, his cum mixing with Leo’s. He quivered above Leo for a few moments, playing with their spilt seed before collapsing on top and hugging him tight. Leo was still coming down from his high and didn’t care quiet yet, languid in his release and almost tempted wait a few minutes and flip N over to take him or coaxing him to put it in again. _Almost_. N was exhausted and had been fidgety all night long.

“Ravi’s bringing his sister back stage after the performance tomorrow,” N murmured into Leo’s neck, squeezing him tighter. “From the way Ravi’s been nosing around me the last couple of weeks, I’m afraid she’s a bit obsessed. You know Ravi has a hard time telling her no, even when what she asks is ridiculous. He’s got such a sister complex…” Leo hummed in feigned interest. He figured it would all work out and that N was just over reacting. Ravi wouldn’t let his sister hurt N—he’d draw a line somewhere, Ravi wasn’t _that_ much of a sap for his sister.

“Maybe we should come out to everyone,” N mused, nuzzling into Leo’s neck. “In the troupe, I mean. It’d probably make things easier, and I think a few people suspect us anyway. I don’t really like that we have to lie about this.” Leo’s eyes snapped open, the post-orgasm haze completely gone and his anxiety and stress suddenly spiking with N’s words.

“Come out?” Leo asked tentatively. N hummed in affirmation, placing a lazy kiss on his neck. “What’s there to tell people?” N tensed and Leo instantly regretted wording it that way. N didn’t move—didn’t even _breathe_ —for several seconds before pulling back and sitting up between Leo’s legs. He looked down at Leo, eyes wide and swimming with emotions that Leo didn’t know how to read.

“Leo, what am I to you?” he asked slowly. Leo started to open his mouth but thought better of it, snapping his lips closed as he stared into N’s eyes and tried to find the best words to describe how he felt. “What am I to you, Leo? Tell me. Honestly _tell me_ ,” N begged. Leo broke eye contact, hating being rushed. “ _Tell me_ ,” N begged again, voice cracking. He slammed his hand on Leo’s stomach. Leo gave up trying to word it properly, spilling the first thing that came to mind.

“Release,” he blurted, causing N’s brows to knit together in confusion. “I thought this was all about relieving stress,” Leo elaborated, but that only seemed to make things worse. N’s expression had melted into pure repulsion.

“Four _fucking_ months. I thought you just weren’t ready to say it back, but all this time I’ve been a _fuck toy_ so you could _let off some steam_ ,” N hissed, looking like tears were welling in his eyes. Leo swallowed. He wasn’t expecting this, he wasn’t expecting for this to have been so much more than stress relief to N. But maybe he should have, maybe he shouldn’t have zoned out all those times before.

“N, I—“ he started, but N cut him off with a hard punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him.

“I don’t want to hear it, you _fucking_ bastard. I’d punch you in the face if you didn’t have work,” N growled. He crawled off the bed, hurriedly locating his pants and pulling them on, not bothering with his underwear. “We’re through. You can deal with your stress yourself.” Grabbing his shirt, he rolled out the room, leaving Leo lying shocked on the bed. The door to his apartment slammed and that was the last Leo saw of N outside work.

-.-.-.-

N ended up going out to dinner with Ravi and his sister after they met. When Leo found out, it’d bugged him for days and he wasn’t quite sure why. Weeks passed and N avoided Leo the best he could. No more needless touching, no more annoying rambling. Leo thought he was going insane—he actually felt like he _missed_ it, _longed_ for it. And that longing was only ever made worse by the one touch and one word that N gave him each performance.

Leo stiffened, feeling a hand patting his back. He turned to see N standing there with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He didn’t know why N even put up this show. Maybe it was to prevent suspicion and keep the tension low, he wasn’t sure, but the touch was anything but comforting.

“Last night. Fighting!” N encouraged, then slipped past Leo to take his place on the stage for the opening number. He couldn’t manage to say anything back, never was able to, so he swallowed thickly and just watched.

He felt like he was falling apart at the seams, had no idea how he was managing to hold himself together through the stress of the musical, his classes, and the—break-up. That’s what he supposed it was, a break-up. He’d tried to find release on his own, but he just _couldn’t_. Couldn’t work himself up, couldn’t forget N’s touch, couldn’t find _release_. No one seemed to notice he was about ready to break from it all. Maybe it was his acting that saved him, his ability to _act_ like nothing was wrong. Or maybe people had noticed and just didn’t dare say anything. Leo wasn’t sure which, but he felt like he was about to explode without some sort of release.

-.-.-.-

The cast party was a rowdy affair, putting the party they’d had after the opening night to shame. They weren’t worrying about the cost of food or drinks and everyone was either laughing or crying that it was over, the troupe shuffling up its roster to prepare a new group to go on tour and auditions for the next play happening soon.

It was some time between the third and fourth round that Leo noticed N hadn’t been flitting around from person to person like usual. He’d parked himself next to Ravi, tentacled around his arm, head resting on Ravi’s shoulder. His attention was on Ken as he gestured wildly and told some story that Leo really didn’t care about. N laughed, downright _giggled_ , until he slid down Ravi’s arm. He was obviously past his limit, red in the face, and Leo had half a mind to stand up and pluck N off Ravi’s arm and drag him home—but he had no idea where that thought came from. Leo stole his neighbor’s drink and downed it, not paying attention to Hongbin’s offended scolding. They didn’t have anything to do with each other anymore. He shouldn’t have been so bugged by the lack of contact, should have been able to take care of himself.

Then Ravi stood, dragging N up with him. He said his goodbyes and pulled N out of the bar just as the fifth round of drinks was being served. Leo downed his drink and stood, following after on unstable feet, not knowing what over came him. It was probably the alcohol, though maybe he was just starting to finally unravel in public. Or maybe he’d just gotten mad that Ravi had dragged the only person that seemed to be able to bring him sweet release with his touch. It was the alcohol, Leo decided, finally making it outside.

Ravi and N hadn’t made it far, only a block away from the bar. N had crumpled to the ground and seemed to be emptying his stomach, Ravi crouching next to him. Something about the way Ravi’s hand moved comfortingly on N’s back caused the last bit of reason in Leo to snap—a realization that made his stomach flip. He launched forward, jerking Ravi up by the back of his shirt and throwing him against the nearest wall.

“What the _hell_?” Ravi growled as his back hit the wall, glaring at Leo and expression hardening as he realized who had slung him against the wall.

“You’re fucking N,” Leo hissed, grabbing Ravi by the collar and getting in his face.

“No, _you_ were fucking N,” Ravi corrected, tone ice cold, hand coming up and grabbing Leo’s wrists. “I’m _dating_ him. There’s a big difference.” It was in that instant that Leo realized Ravi wasn’t nearly as drunk as he was and that he’d probably get his ass handed to him if he fought, but that didn’t deter him. Leo shook Ravi, knocking his head into the wall.

“You _stole_ him,” Leo spat, not really knowing where that came from, but it’s what it felt like—like N had been snatched away, that his release had been snatched away.

“I didn’t steal him. Let go,” Ravi warned, letting go of Leo’s wrists and puffing himself up.

“You _stole_ him,” Leo repeated, voice cracking, yelling. Pain bloomed in his cheek and his world started spinning, the force of Ravi’s punch sending him reeling. He stumbled back, letting Ravi go as he brought his hands to his cheek.

“You used him and then let him walk away,” Ravi spat, closing in on Leo to continue the fight. N grabbed Ravi’s arm, tugging him back despite still looking queasy and very out of it.

“Let’s just go,” N slurred, grip tightening on Ravi. For some reason the action made Leo’s blood boil and he stepped towards N to jerk him away. But Ravi blocked his path, pushing N further behind him.

“You let him go already. Why even try to get him back now? Just fuck off,” Ravi spat, grabbing N’s arm and dragging him down the street, carefully minding N’s unsure footing and lack of balance.

Leo swallowed, stepping backwards and closing his eyes. Tears flowed and his breath picked up, and he wasn’t sure why, but it felt like a hole had been torn in his chest. He stumbled off the curb, an overwhelming sense of loneliness soaking him to the fingertips. All he wanted was to scream, to rip N out of Ravi’s hands and throw him against the wall and take him, to drink until he collapsed, to find _release_. He continued stumbling back, falling to his ass, succumbing to his tears, hiding behind his shaking hands. The last thing he heard was a horn and squealing tires and he wondered if it would be his final release.


End file.
